Rich Carroll’s article is pretty over the top on crackpot value so I don’t really feel the need to give it much respect in my analysis. That being said, it can be assumed that I’ll use plenty of profanity to pepper my phrases.

This article is complete and total bullshit. Are we to believe that Rich Carroll uncovered this crazy secret that no one else seems to have figured out? Wouldn’t this have been leaked out into the media, wouldn’t it make headlines everywhere? Oh yeah, that’s right, our current news media is weak and timid according to Rich Carroll. While I’ll agree that our news media sucks, I don’t think they’d let something like this slip. “The Jihad Candidate” seems to have the same problem that every other nut job conspiracy theory has: all the good news is either ignored or kept under wraps. Which is unfortunate, if people were smarter they’d all know that Bush planned 9/11, we never landed on the moon, aliens landed in Roswell, and the Illuminati secretly controls the entire planet. Here’s a good indicator that your theory might be total bullshit: if it sounds completely contrary to all things logical, it’s probably bullshit.

Now to address this U.N. issue. The United States contributes more money to the U.N. than anyone other nation. U.N. headquarters is based in New York City. It’s basically bought and paid for by the United States and any military actions related to it are normally peformed at our whim. How can anyone in their right mind think that the Muslims control the U.N.? If the Muslims are controlling the U.N., they should get their money back. When I think about the plethora of economic sanctions that have been imposed on Islamic countries, not to mention it’s support for Israel, the U.N. is probably the worst investment that the radical Islamists have ever invested in. Once again, apply logic to something that Richard Carroll claims and you’ll find that it just don’t seem to ring true.

Finally, what’s with the Muslim hate? Does Rich Carroll honestly think that all Muslims are trying to undermine American values and society? How about Muhammed Ali and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, are they trying to undermine our values too? We’re dealing with extremist Muslims, just like we sometimes deal with extremist Christians. I think sometimes we forget about the crazy cross wielding fanatics who blow up abortion clinics and protest at our troops funerals. Both religions have their extremists that would try and undermine our personal liberties and way of life, both religions have large populations of people who could give a shit about what the nutjob extremists think

Xenophobic rants like Carroll’s have no place in a civilized society. I’m all for the freedom of speech and everything but for gods sake, if you’re going to exercise that right, exercise a little common sense and logic as well. For the most part it’s just petty, you don’t see the other side putting out super secret conspiracy emails saying that John Mccain shot down his own airplane so he could leverage his POW status into a shot at the White House.

“Contrary to popular belief, I actually enjoy having live roaches fall on my hand as I reach in the fridge in the morning for the milk to pour on my cereal. Even more enjoyable is when I open the oven and 4 or 5 scurry out of it. “What are you running away for? Don’t you want to be friends?” I ask them. I know, I know, I spend a lot of time joining the angry bitch-fests of my neighbors complaining about the roach problem, but I only do that to fit in, “I really do enjoy your company!” I assure them. Its one of the many reasons I live here!

I certainly don’t take for granted the sudden and unexpected death I may get to experience when I accidentally step in any form of liquid on the latex paint covered walk way, slip and crack my head open. I mean, the rain drains for the 3rd floor draining directly onto the 2nd floor, all the window air conditioning units leaking puddles of water and any one of the neighbors trash bags leaking juice outside their door leave me no shortage of puddles to avoid. I see this as a LUXURY that keeps me alert and on my toes (or on my ass, depending on my luck for the day).

I never realized how much I hated natural sunlight until I moved here either. Now, the clever design of my apartment building managers that leaves me with no windows in my living room has enlightened me (no pun intended) to that fact. I can now happily live my life in the darkest of LUXURY caverns, receiving no natural light whatsoever beyond the faintest of slivers that comes in under the front door. This makes my roach friends really happy too!

Now, I can’t forget to mention our LUXURIOUS laundry room. Located downstairs by the parking garage, this little cave of delight comes complete with leaking water heaters, dryers that may or may not dry your clothes (if they even turn on after you’ve put your quarters in) and!……wait for it…..a gas leak!!!!!! Oh joy!

Speaking of parking garage, I will never take for granted my parking spot in the garage. Where else will my truck get sprayed with shit water that pours freely out of an open drainage pipe?! This is surely a LUXURY I can’t afford to give up.

On a particularly hot day I’m so happy to say that we have the added LUXURY of having a pool in our complex. No matter that the pool may be green for days at a time and has mold patches growing in it as this has never thwarted me from enjoying that little oasis of water downstairs. The astro-turf glued around the perimeter of the pool makes for a nice tropical effect as well, I feel like I’m on an island!

I can’t forget to mention the people that run the place! We have an amazing on site manager thats always surprising us with delights! Not only does he do a fine job of filling every vacant hole, closet, corner, passageway and storage space in the complex with trash, construction materials and empty paint and beer cans, he also ravishes us with the drunk screamings of a mad man! No one is denied the pleasure of these shows, whether its being pointed at and called a ‘fucker’ or being accused of destroying property. Even more fun is when his wife is looking for him passed out in his car in the garage, when we all know he’s on the floor of a vacant apartment in his underwear surrounded by empty beer bottles! Its like a game of hide and go seek!! We also have the off-site property manager that goes out of his way just to give us the pleasure of raising rent for no apparent reason (10 dollars here, 20 dollars there…..keeps things exciting), eviction notices for matters that have already been dealt with and any number of untold surprises that may come with dealing with a cheap, senile, money-hungry scamming old man.

I just can’t get enough of this place! “LUXURY LIVING WITH HMMY PROPERTIES!” ”

Everything in the rant is true from my experience, I’m glad someone had the cajones to post. At any rate, steer clear of 1767 Orchid Ave. if you’re looking for apartments in Hollywood.

We choose to rage against the tyranny of those who would strip of us our right to a drink. With each drink we fire another round against a society that would have us all buttoned down into their image of a perfect populace. They’re trying to take our freedom and we will not stand for it! So raise your glasses high and prepare for the next battle, may Dinoysis bless you with his strength as you fortify your B.A.C. and stand up for all that is right! Cheers!

It’s not the greatest thing out there but it’s the first non scam way that I’ve found where you can actually make rent online, you just have to work some actual hours to get it. If anyone reading this decides to sign up as a guide, I’d ask that you’d use my email (mcmourn5@hotmail.com) as a reference, there are referral bonuses for signing people up so there is an incentive to recruit. For more info, check out their guide site.

We shall travel to Belize and smash every goodhartzorum that we can find! Sharpen your swords and reinforce your boots, we’re going worm stomping! Extinction is a stinky cologne, soon we will make the goodhartzorum stink of it! That is not all though, once the dust has settled and we clear away the corpses of our prey, we will need to descend upon the libraries and science labs, on the very internet itself! Goodhartz is a smart man, he’s like Voldemort in Harry Potter. Goodhartz knows that his name will be in every science book that classifies the goodhartzorum and will be on any internet reference as well. So long as even one mention of the goodhartzorum remains in any sort of media, Goodhartz will have preserved his scientific immortality.

It seems like an almost impossible task but I’m sure that if we work together, we can defeat Jeff Goodhartz. With every smashed server and laptop and every burnt book we shall come closer to the day when can say that us mere mortals defeated the supposedly, scientifically immortal man. So laugh it up now, Mr. Goodhartz, your plan may have succeeded but not for long. Goodhartzorum may be immortal but we shall put it to the test!

Thanks for the racially enlightened commentary, dickhead.

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All Hail The Conductor!!!