L.A. Boondoggle

I fight the good fight. Where other men falter and fail, I excel in my debauchery. Though the chains of the Nanny State of society may hold back others, I remain unshackled! You see, my brothers, for more than a third of my life I’ve been fighting the war against sobriety on as many fronts as I could. I’ve enlisted the aid of countless fermented concoctions, drawing my firepower from the finest munitions that mother nature has to offer. From the sweetest sip of a Smirnoff Ice to the hard hitting power of a shot of 192.5 proof grain alcohol, I’ve hit that old demon that we call “Sobriety” with nearly everything I could think. I dare say even Dionysis himself would be proud as I’m sure he gives me strength with each passing battle. Why do I and so many others fight? It’s for the freedom of every person!

We choose to rage against the tyranny of those who would strip of us our right to a drink. With each drink we fire another round against a society that would have us all buttoned down into their image of a perfect populace. They’re trying to take our freedom and we will not stand for it! So raise your glasses high and prepare for the next battle, may Dinoysis bless you with his strength as you fortify your B.A.C. and stand up for all that is right! Cheers!

I’m not one to post up and try and get people on the bandwagon of the latest internet money making scheme but I found one that’s different. I recently signed up to become a guide at ChaCha.com. The pay is not great, nowhere near the tens of thousands of dollars promised to most of the scheme peddling assholes out there, but it could be used as a part time job if you’re a student or if you’re just a person looking to make some spare cash. Basically, as a ChaCha guide, you sit down and do searches for info. People text chacha a question, chacha routes it to you, and you find the answer and send it back via their web app. ChaCha pays 20 cents per answer, so if you’re quick you can make close to $12/hr, if you’re slow the amount decreases, it’s all in the speed. There are no required hours, you can sign on and work whenever you want. They have a couple payment options, one is direct deposit at the end of the month, the other is immediate pay via their debit card.

It’s not the greatest thing out there but it’s the first non scam way that I’ve found where you can actually make rent online, you just have to work some actual hours to get it. If anyone reading this decides to sign up as a guide, I’d ask that you’d use my email (mcmourn5@hotmail.com) as a reference, there are referral bonuses for signing people up so there is an incentive to recruit. For more info, check out their guide site.

Dear readers I come to you with some disturbing news. According to this article on msnbc, Jeff Goodhartz is attempting scientific immortality! Never before have I seen such a gross violation of all that is decent and moral. Never before have I seen such an audacious display of evil! Over the course of his life, Jeff has amassed a gargantuan fortune of over five thousand dollars in order that he might put it towards this nefarious plan of his. It appears he’s using his fortune to name a new species of sea worm after himself, the new monstrosity shall be named the “goodhartzorum”.  Somewhere, in the Belize mangroves, small testaments of Goodhartz’ bastardization of all that is natural are swimming around, not even aware that they are pawns in a madman’s scheme to immortalize his last name. That is why I need you, dear readers, to help me in a quest to end this madness!

We shall travel to Belize and smash every goodhartzorum that we can find! Sharpen your swords and reinforce your boots, we’re going worm stomping! Extinction is a stinky cologne, soon we will make the goodhartzorum stink of it! That is not all though, once the dust has settled and we clear away the corpses of our prey, we will need to descend upon the libraries and science labs, on the very internet itself! Goodhartz is a smart man, he’s like Voldemort in Harry Potter. Goodhartz knows that his name will be in every science book that classifies the goodhartzorum and will be on any internet reference as well. So long as even one mention of the goodhartzorum remains in any sort of media, Goodhartz will have preserved his scientific immortality.

It seems like an almost impossible task but I’m sure that if we work together, we can defeat Jeff Goodhartz. With every smashed server and laptop and every burnt book we shall come closer to the day when can say that us mere mortals defeated the supposedly, scientifically immortal man. So laugh it up now, Mr. Goodhartz, your plan may have succeeded but not for long. Goodhartzorum may be immortal but we shall put it to the test!

I hope the ride was as terrific as it looked to all of the fans and spectators out there.

All Hail The Conductor!!!

If you took a good look at my place you’d probably wonder why I pay as much as I do. I try to tell myself that it’s for the location, we’re a block away from Hollywood and Highland. Unfortunately things just don’t add up, or do they? Some of my neighbors are skeptical of the value, especially since they pay nearly $150/month less than I do but I think they’re just jealous of being the prestige that comes with having a pricey apartment, even if it is identical to theirs. So below is a list of features that come with a $1625/month apartment in Hollywood.

Cockroaches, loads of em’!
Pool
Laundry Facility, 5 washers and 6 dryers, 3-4 functioning at any one time)
2 Bedrooms
1 Bathroom
1 half of a kitchen
0 dishwashers
1 Parking Spot
More Cockroaches
1 Set of French Doors(Installed Just To Comply With Building Code)
No Natural Sunlight In Living Room
1 Drunken Apartment Manager and The Privilege Of Seeing Him Hauled Away For Alcohol Poisoning
2 Grocery Carts In Courtyard
Paint Cans And Garbage In Courtyard

Perhaps It’s Time To Move?

« Previous entries Next entries »