L.A. Boondoggle

Sorry about the downtime we’ve experienced over the past few days. Luckily everything is back up and running now. More posts to come soon!

I figured I’d title this piece as such to get right to the point. I got an email forwarded to me from my mother that contained the article “The Jihad Candidate” by Rich Carroll. It’s a diatribe about Barak Obama, basically accusing him of being a plant sent here by Islamic extremists. It further goes on to suggest that if elected, Barak Obama will instill some sort of Muslim rule here and effectively turn the United States into “another ‘nation of Islam’”. He also claims that the United Nations is controlled by Muslims. I initially sent back a quick response to tell my mom what I thought about the article but I figured I could exlaborate a bit more on here as to why I found the article to be so repulsive. Check out the article here to read.

Rich Carroll’s article is pretty over the top on crackpot value so I don’t really feel the need to give it much respect in my analysis. That being said, it can be assumed that I’ll use plenty of profanity to pepper my phrases.

This article is complete and total bullshit. Are we to believe that Rich Carroll uncovered this crazy secret that no one else seems to have figured out? Wouldn’t this have been leaked out into the media, wouldn’t it make headlines everywhere? Oh yeah, that’s right, our current news media is weak and timid according to Rich Carroll. While I’ll agree that our news media sucks, I don’t think they’d let something like this slip. “The Jihad Candidate” seems to have the same problem that every other nut job conspiracy theory has: all the good news is either ignored or kept under wraps. Which is unfortunate, if people were smarter they’d all know that Bush planned 9/11, we never landed on the moon, aliens landed in Roswell, and the Illuminati secretly controls the entire planet. Here’s a good indicator that your theory might be total bullshit: if it sounds completely contrary to all things logical, it’s probably bullshit.

Now to address this U.N. issue. The United States contributes more money to the U.N. than anyone other nation. U.N. headquarters is based in New York City. It’s basically bought and paid for by the United States and any military actions related to it are normally peformed at our whim. How can anyone in their right mind think that the Muslims control the U.N.? If the Muslims are controlling the U.N., they should get their money back. When I think about the plethora of economic sanctions that have been imposed on Islamic countries, not to mention it’s support for Israel, the U.N. is probably the worst investment that the radical Islamists have ever invested in. Once again, apply logic to something that Richard Carroll claims and you’ll find that it just don’t seem to ring true.

Finally, what’s with the Muslim hate? Does Rich Carroll honestly think that all Muslims are trying to undermine American values and society? How about Muhammed Ali and Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, are they trying to undermine our values too? We’re dealing with extremist Muslims, just like we sometimes deal with extremist Christians. I think sometimes we forget about the crazy cross wielding fanatics who blow up abortion clinics and protest at our troops funerals. Both religions have their extremists that would try and undermine our personal liberties and way of life, both religions have large populations of people who could give a shit about what the nutjob extremists think

Xenophobic rants like Carroll’s have no place in a civilized society. I’m all for the freedom of speech and everything but for gods sake, if you’re going to exercise that right, exercise a little common sense and logic as well. For the most part it’s just petty, you don’t see the other side putting out super secret conspiracy emails saying that John Mccain shot down his own airplane so he could leverage his POW status into a shot at the White House.

Howdy all! In an effort to try and sponsor some charitable action, we’ve started up 1milliononblack.com. The idea behind the site is that we accept donations in the hopes that they one day reach the 1 million dollar total mark. We then take that 1 million dollars to Las Vegas to a roulette table and bet it all on black, Wesley Snipes style. If we win, we donate half of the winnings, basically 1 million dollars to a charity that the viewers and donors vote on. The details haven’t been worked out as of yet but I’ll keep you all updated on any progress that we make.

One of L.A. Boondoggle’s very own has started up a Twitter account for the express purpose of updating complete strangers on his bowel movement schedule. If this sounds like something that you want to be updated on, be sure to check out his Twitter profile: JeremysBMs.

I regularly scour the craigslist rants and raves and came across this post. Apparently someone from my apartment complex posted up a rant about the place. I’ll post it below in case you don’t want to follow the link. If you do follow the link, be sure to flag it for best of, it’s a goodin’.

“Contrary to popular belief, I actually enjoy having live roaches fall on my hand as I reach in the fridge in the morning for the milk to pour on my cereal. Even more enjoyable is when I open the oven and 4 or 5 scurry out of it. “What are you running away for? Don’t you want to be friends?” I ask them. I know, I know, I spend a lot of time joining the angry bitch-fests of my neighbors complaining about the roach problem, but I only do that to fit in, “I really do enjoy your company!” I assure them. Its one of the many reasons I live here!

I certainly don’t take for granted the sudden and unexpected death I may get to experience when I accidentally step in any form of liquid on the latex paint covered walk way, slip and crack my head open. I mean, the rain drains for the 3rd floor draining directly onto the 2nd floor, all the window air conditioning units leaking puddles of water and any one of the neighbors trash bags leaking juice outside their door leave me no shortage of puddles to avoid. I see this as a LUXURY that keeps me alert and on my toes (or on my ass, depending on my luck for the day).

I never realized how much I hated natural sunlight until I moved here either. Now, the clever design of my apartment building managers that leaves me with no windows in my living room has enlightened me (no pun intended) to that fact. I can now happily live my life in the darkest of LUXURY caverns, receiving no natural light whatsoever beyond the faintest of slivers that comes in under the front door. This makes my roach friends really happy too!

Now, I can’t forget to mention our LUXURIOUS laundry room. Located downstairs by the parking garage, this little cave of delight comes complete with leaking water heaters, dryers that may or may not dry your clothes (if they even turn on after you’ve put your quarters in) and!……wait for it…..a gas leak!!!!!! Oh joy!

Speaking of parking garage, I will never take for granted my parking spot in the garage. Where else will my truck get sprayed with shit water that pours freely out of an open drainage pipe?! This is surely a LUXURY I can’t afford to give up.

On a particularly hot day I’m so happy to say that we have the added LUXURY of having a pool in our complex. No matter that the pool may be green for days at a time and has mold patches growing in it as this has never thwarted me from enjoying that little oasis of water downstairs. The astro-turf glued around the perimeter of the pool makes for a nice tropical effect as well, I feel like I’m on an island!

I can’t forget to mention the people that run the place! We have an amazing on site manager thats always surprising us with delights! Not only does he do a fine job of filling every vacant hole, closet, corner, passageway and storage space in the complex with trash, construction materials and empty paint and beer cans, he also ravishes us with the drunk screamings of a mad man! No one is denied the pleasure of these shows, whether its being pointed at and called a ‘fucker’ or being accused of destroying property. Even more fun is when his wife is looking for him passed out in his car in the garage, when we all know he’s on the floor of a vacant apartment in his underwear surrounded by empty beer bottles! Its like a game of hide and go seek!! We also have the off-site property manager that goes out of his way just to give us the pleasure of raising rent for no apparent reason (10 dollars here, 20 dollars there…..keeps things exciting), eviction notices for matters that have already been dealt with and any number of untold surprises that may come with dealing with a cheap, senile, money-hungry scamming old man.

I just can’t get enough of this place! “LUXURY LIVING WITH HMMY PROPERTIES!” ”

Everything in the rant is true from my experience, I’m glad someone had the cajones to post. At any rate, steer clear of 1767 Orchid Ave. if you’re looking for apartments in Hollywood.

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