L.A. Boondoggle

Dear readers I come to you with some disturbing news. According to this article on msnbc, Jeff Goodhartz is attempting scientific immortality! Never before have I seen such a gross violation of all that is decent and moral. Never before have I seen such an audacious display of evil! Over the course of his life, Jeff has amassed a gargantuan fortune of over five thousand dollars in order that he might put it towards this nefarious plan of his. It appears he’s using his fortune to name a new species of sea worm after himself, the new monstrosity shall be named the “goodhartzorum”.  Somewhere, in the Belize mangroves, small testaments of Goodhartz’ bastardization of all that is natural are swimming around, not even aware that they are pawns in a madman’s scheme to immortalize his last name. That is why I need you, dear readers, to help me in a quest to end this madness!

We shall travel to Belize and smash every goodhartzorum that we can find! Sharpen your swords and reinforce your boots, we’re going worm stomping! Extinction is a stinky cologne, soon we will make the goodhartzorum stink of it! That is not all though, once the dust has settled and we clear away the corpses of our prey, we will need to descend upon the libraries and science labs, on the very internet itself! Goodhartz is a smart man, he’s like Voldemort in Harry Potter. Goodhartz knows that his name will be in every science book that classifies the goodhartzorum and will be on any internet reference as well. So long as even one mention of the goodhartzorum remains in any sort of media, Goodhartz will have preserved his scientific immortality.

It seems like an almost impossible task but I’m sure that if we work together, we can defeat Jeff Goodhartz. With every smashed server and laptop and every burnt book we shall come closer to the day when can say that us mere mortals defeated the supposedly, scientifically immortal man. So laugh it up now, Mr. Goodhartz, your plan may have succeeded but not for long. Goodhartzorum may be immortal but we shall put it to the test!