L.A. Boondoggle

I recently watched Star Wars Episode 6: Return Of The Jedi and thoroughly enjoyed myself. While the special effects for the time where indeed phenomenal, and the storyline was very captivating and interesting, it was none of these things that brought me to unparalleled heights of movie viewing satisfaction. Simply put, most of my satisfaction of the movie was derived from imagining how cool it would be to own an Ewok. Now don’t get me wrong, I think the other characters in Star Wars are interesting in their own right, but none possess the visage of a teddy bear quite like the Ewoks. So I sit here bored, with nothing to do except study or waste time on this article. So I choose the lesser of two evils and choose to enlighten you on how all our lives would benefit if I owned an Ewok.

            As a child I enjoyed teddy bears as I’m assuming you all did when you were younger. I don’t know if it’s an urge to possess a teddy bear or to be five years old again, but something is alluring in the way that the Ewoks resemble a teddy bear. What adds to the fantasy, is the fact that the Ewoks were hostile as well as being teddy bear like. I don’t know about all of you, but I laughed during the sequences when the Ewoks would use their spears or other weapons to attack storm troopers. Their manner of speaking and their language was also very amusing. The style of gibberish and the mannerisms that they use during speech along with their high energy level was all very comical. With all these things in mind, imagine what fun an Ewok would be!

            Yelling at people and hitting them with sticks is all fine and good, but doesn’t derive much pleasure, especially when the consequences are weighed against the immediate aesthetic pleasure you would experience. It would be much better to have a 3 foot teddy bear looking thing do the work for you. Can you imagine the surprise on your victim’ face when he sees an Ewok start yelling and waving his hands at him? Can you imagine the hilarity that would ensue when the Ewok starts hitting that person with a stick because the person doesn’t understand his gibberish. I mean, you could take it even further. I’d sit down all of my friends in the suite living room and write a bunch of stuff on the white board and have the Ewok explain it. He’d shout out his gibberish and point at the board many times with his stick and hit any body who raises their hand or falls asleep. It’d also be funny to see and Ewok kick someone in the balls. Many people do not know this but the original Star Wars footage had a scene where Luke Skywalker continued his training for a few hours with an Ewok Jedi Master. At first Luke has trouble adapting to the Ewok’s language so the Ewok yells at Luke and hits him with a stick, then kicks him the balls. The movie was too long, so that and a few other scenes were cut out to shorten it to a more desirable length.

            One day my dream may come to pass, and I may actually acquire an Ewok, but until then I’ll wait and imagine how cool it would be.