I’ve been silent on the Boondoggle in recent days and I do apologize.
Today, I present two completely different videos for your viewing enjoyment. The first is one of the silliest and most pathetic attempts at denouncing the legitemacy of the theory of Evolution. The second is a montage of the funniest moments from the show Trigger Happy TV, of which I am eternally a fan.
I would like to iterate but a couple reactions I had to this video.
First, while watching it, a part of me hoped for it to be a big joke. Then, Ben informed me that it indeed is serious material and that the principle figure, Chuck Missler, is in fact the real deal. Reading of his past accomplishments, one would reasonably assume Mr. Missler is a man of logic and capable of thinking critically in any situation.
WOW would that person be wrong.
Second, it always strikes me as odd when a person or group demands to be taken seriously when they act on their own misinterpretations or closed-minded beliefs. In this instance, Missler and his clan forego even a shred of authority over the subject matter they take on. I want to feel sorry for them, as even the lowest of low-level thinkers can see through such transparent and uneducated arguments.
I would love to have been there, when this argument originated:
“Evolution is blasphemy. We need to inform the masses of their Godless thinking, but we have to use an argument only a severely retarded person could possibly think of. Only then will the foundation for our cleansing of their souls be established. Hey look, a jar of Peanut Butter.”
It seems to me that they expect nothing less than a human being to stroll out of the jar when they open it. The statement that every food company relies on this aspect of evolution (as obscene as that assumption is) is further denigrated by the fact that they are equating a jar of Peanut Butter to Earth’s early atmosphere. SERIOUSLY?
As somewhat of an experiment, I decided to research the ingredients of Peanut Butter to see what makes it a hotbed of organic life. First, I needed to know what exactly a “hotbed of organic life” is. Well, a few years back, the University of Colorado conducted a study and found early Earth was “a hydrogen and CO2-dominated atmosphere that [led] to the production of organic molecules.” Now, I know the standard model of primordeal Earth championed by Miller and Urey says it contained mostly methane and ammonia, but this relaively new study makes the point that hydrogen and CO2 were anchored to Earth by the “low temperatures in the upper atmosphere and the supply of energy from the sun,” - a finding from their study (just read it). Giving Missler the benefit of the doubt by searching for not only hydrogen and CO2 but also methane and ammonia, I looked to PeanutButterLovers.com for the ultimate truth:
Nutrient
Percent Daily Value* (amount)
Importance
Calories
10% (190 calories)
Energy!
Protein
13% (8g)
Needed to repair body tissues and develop new ones, to maintain fluid levels and to make antibodies which ward off disease and infection.
Fiber
8% (2g)
Fiber reduces the risk of some types of cancer, helps control blood sugar levels and may help reduce the level of cholesterol in your blood.
Total Fat unsaturated saturated
24% (16g)
29% (13g)
13% (3g)
Most concentrated source of energy in the diet. Carries fat soluble vitamins such as A, D and E and helps maintain healthy skin.
Vitamin E
22% (2mg)
Vital antioxidant which protects Vitamin A and body’s cells and tissues from damage. Important for the immune system. May aid in the prevention of tumor growth.
Niacin
24% (4mg)
Important in the release of energy from the food we eat and the maintenance of healthy skin, the nervous system and the digestive tract.
Folate
7.5% (30mcg)
Important for the development of new cells, particularly during growth and pregnancy.
Vitamin B6
8% (0.15mg)
Makes and breaks down proteins and makes red blood cells used to transport oxygen in the body.
Thiamin (B1)
3% (0.04mg)
Needed to ensure normal functioning of the nervous system, appetite and digestion.
Riboflavin (B2)
2% (0.04mg)
Releases energy from the food we eat, helps skin stay healthy and assists in the normal functioning of the eyes.
Magnesium
15% (52mg)
Important in the building of bones and teeth, creation of protein, transmission of nerve impulses and maintenance of body temperature.
Phosphorus
13% (104mg)
Component of all soft tissues. Fundamental to growth and maintenance of bones and teeth.
Copper
9% (0.17mg)
Important to the formation of hemoglobin, health of bones, blood vessels and nerves.
Potassium
7% (244mg)
Needed to ensure the body’s water balance and create protein. Helps release energy from nutrients. Aids in nerve impulse transmission.
Iron
6% (0.62mg)
Aids in the transport and distribution of oxygen in the body’s cells.
Zinc
6% (0.91mg)
Aids in the formation of protein, wound healing, blood formation, taste perception, appetite, and night vision.
Calcium
2% (13mg)
Needed for the development and maintenance of healthy bones and teeth.
As you can see, even with all the wonderful things PBL has to say of the ingredients in a standard jar of good ol’ Peanut Butter, there’s no trace of even one of the four elements I was looking for. I’m sorry Mr. Missler, but I think you’ve been fooled by your own tenacious quest to thwart scientists world-wide.
Another argument one could take up against the Peanut Butter manifesto is since the core of their belief is that God willed all living creatures into existence, perhaps he simply has not willed any of the jars of Peanut Butter which Mr. Missler or anyone else has opened to spawn forth living beings?
I’ve been looking for something like this for so long. Thank god for the internet and youtube. Now if only I could find one where the human fights back!
Greetings and salutations, everyone! I recently read a piece on msnbc.com that talked about actors who have bands or at least attempt to make music. The list was pretty long and included guys like Stephen Seagal, Joe Pesci, and Bruce Willis. I’m not sure if it’s a gigantic ego or just pure stupidity that possesses actors to attempt music, whatever the cause, the effect seems to always be the same. Well, without further adieu, I’d like to profile my top 5 list of people who should stick to what they’re good at and leave music alone.
1. Joe Pesci hits the top of the list with his song, “Wise Guy”. It’s not too often you get to see a video that simultaneously brings a genre of music to a new low and brings overall shittyness to insanely high levels. Joe Pesci must be a little batty, I mean who produces a song that lame and then thinks, “I totally need a video for this! Oh this’ll be great! I’ll dress up in a suit and walk around, stiff as board like Dr. Frankensteins creature!”. Take a look at this and you’ll see what I’m talking about.
2. Leonard Nemoy should get the Nobel Prize for creepiness with his rendition of “The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins”. I wouldn’t really think that a Vulcan would go for the work of Tolkien but the evidence shows otherwise. Spock is about as hobbit crazy any human that you’ll come across, I just wish he didn’t look so weird in the video for it. Anyways, thanks Leonard Nemoy, cause I really wanted nightmares about over excited dancing midgets and Star Trek characters.
3. Kevin Bacon and the Bacon Brothers take the 3rd spot on the list(Does Kevin Bacon just call it a “Me LT” instead of a BLT?). I don’t have a song in particular picked out, I think I’m gonna go ahead and just insult their entire repertoire. I’m pretty sure that if the Bacon Brothers play another George Harrison song, George will claw his lifeless body out of the grave to come exact his revenge.
4. Stephen Seagal comes in at number 4 with “Girl It’s Alright”, a cliche ridden piece of dog shit that somehow made it’s way into a video. I guess ass kicking doesn’t burn as many calories as we’d think because in the video we get to see a version of Seagal that looks terrible and probably weighs 30 lbs more than what we’re used to. Bonus points go to the added creepy factor for having it look like he’s pining over an underaged Asian girl throughout the video. I think the title of the song should be something closer to “Girl It’s Alright Because We’re in Bangcock and It’s Legal Here”.
5. For the last spot I’m gonna have to go with every football team ever. I thought the football team rap video was just a thing of the mid to late 80’s but apparently the Bengals released one as recently as 2005. Here’s a list of the ones’ that I know of:
1988 Philadelphia Eagles’ “Buddy’s Watchin’ You”
1986 Raiders’ “Silver & Black Attack”
1985 Chicago Bears’ Super Bowl Shuffle
1986 Los Angeles Rams’ “Ram It”
1991 Miami Dolphins’ “U Can’t Touch Us”
2005 Cincinatti Bengals’ “Fear Da Tiger”
1988 San Francisco 49ers’ “Team of the Eighties”
1985 Seattle Seahawks “Locker Room Rock”
I’ll leave you with the Chicago Bears “Super Bowl Shuffle”. As for the others, a search on youtube should pull most of them up. Enjoy!
This one is a classic and a good way to get in early morning April Fools pranks going. Step 1, get 4 or 5 alarm clocks and set them to various odd times that are obscenely early. 2:30am, 3:45am, 4:20am, 5:30am or any other combination of times. The key here is to try and set them so that there’s enough time in between alarms for the target to fall back asleep. Step 2, place the alarm clocks in various hiding places around the targets room. Under the bed, in the closet, in the dresser drawer, in a clothes hamper, anywhere. Step 3, there is no step 3, I suppose you can just sit back and laugh to yourself because you’ll be sound asleep when you reap the rewards of this prank.
4. Murder
This is one is fairly self explanatory
5. Murder
What’s worth doing once is worth doing again, right?
6. Murder
Okay, this is getting a little weird. Although they do say the third time is a charm. . .
7. Flaming Wheelchair of Doom(To be used only on Stephen Hawking)
Let’s say you’re a rag tag team of quantum physicists and you’re trying to pull it together to win the Nobel Prize. Besides doing science related stuff you’ll probably be off on a series of drunken misadventures, some of which will include playing pranks on your esteemed colleague, Stephen Hawking. I’m not sure of the exact process of this one but it involves attaching a high powered motor to Mr. Hawking’s chair, setting it on fire and have it speed towards a ramp which eventually lands him in a pool. Hilarity ensues.
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