L.A. Boondoggle

Hey everyone, I’ve been working on a few different things at once so I haven’t had the time to keep the site updated but soon enough we’ll have a lot more to gander at.

At any rate, I was watching an old episode of Beakman’s World and he was talking about the worlds smallest man. I think the one they mentioned is dead now but I managed to find an old picture of him. Check it!

Good day to all of you fine people out there in internet land. If you’re at all like me, you might be feeling the collective pinch of recession as your money seems to lose its buying power on a daily basis. It looks as if Fed Chief Bernanke doesn’t think things will get much better soon, to this we say, “No shit, Sherlock!” Call me crazy, but I’m not too hot about what the government plans on doing to help solve this recession. Remember, this thing is being handled by the same group that helped us wind up in this spot in the first place. Their solution seems to be especially reckless in the form of their stimulus plan, basically giving people rebate checks in hopes that they’ll go and spend it immediately to help bolster the economy. I think it just goes to show how out of touch politicians are with the common man. “Thanks for the $300 check, that’ll really help with. . . oh that’s right, it won’t do jack shit.” I guess I’m a skeptic or a cynic or what have you but I don’t think spending ourselves into oblivion is gonna help us out this time around and to my untrained eye it appears that the stimulus plan and cutting interest rates are just a way of bandaging the problem until someone else has to deal with it. /End Crazy Economy Rant

In Idol News, that little whiny bitch, Josiah, got rejected from the top 24. Now, I’m not one to be too cold hearted but the guy just annoyed me throughout his auditions. He cried, dawned a fake British accent, and acted like an all around douche. Besides of which, he also did terrible in his 3rd round audition, I think anyone else would have been canned on the spot. At any rate, maybe the Josiah will grow a pair and compete next year, minus the whiny lameness, and perhaps he’ll put on a performance that doesn’t cause me to hurl a bad call brick at the tv.

Well, that’s all and for now I’ll leave you with the sequel to the powerthirst video. I seriously cannot get enough of this stuff.

So a neighbor of mine and I were wondering if there was a such thing as a used toilet paper fetish. After seeing the two girls and a cup video we figured anything was possible. While we never found anything remotely close to a used toilet paper fetish, we did find a few things of interest.

“Stop Clown Porn Now” is a website dedicated to ending clown pornography on old media and the internet. I was skeptical upon first seeing the site but then I saw that they had t-shirts so that makes them the real deal. I’m no expert in this subject but I would think that it should be up to the clowns to decide whether or not they want to be in pornography. The only real danger that I see from clown porn is the risk that clown may start to get solicited for sex at children’s parties and carnivals. Well, come to think of it, it would make an interesting business card or tag line. “Bubbles the Clown charges $100 for an hour filled with magic, balloon animals, and all sorts of wonderful entertainment. Blowjobs are an extra $150, $200 and she’ll keep the nose on.”

Sex Lexis is an online sexual dictionary. Some of the terms on there date back to the 17th century and it’s kind of interesting to see what sex slang was like back then. After randomly picking “wuffle nuts” and reading the definition, I knew this site could provide loads of entertainment. Now if a lady asks you to “get a crumpet”, you won’t be caught off guard and will know exactly what to do.

Finally, some of you have probably already seen this but I like to watch it every now and then for a good laugh. Check It!!!

Well, today I didn’t mosey on out of bed until around 10am. After being 15 minutes late and bombing two quizzes in a row at school, I decided that it might be time for a change or at least an earlier bedtime schedule. At any rate, spring/summer is coming up and it’s readily apparent that the collective waist of Southern California has gone up a size or two. Within the next day or two we’ll have some quick and easy recipes for healthy meals that’ll get you back in the action and bar ready in no time.

Not much on the wire today, I think Paris Hilton’s brother(who really cares what his name is?) got a DUI, proving that drinking and driving is a fun activity for both the rich and underaged.

Below is a short film that a buddy of mine shot in my old apartment in Huntington Beach. Watch and enjoy.

Enough already, so I said I would document the protest, events both in and outside of my control made me a liar but oh well. From what I heard the protest was a success and about 500 strong showed up for the event. KNBC covered the event, you can check it out here.

Below is the transcript of an online debate that I had with an esteemed colleague of mine on the topic of public masturbation. Read and enjoy.

Ben: Among the many problems facing America today, perhaps the most pressing problem is Public Masturbation. It seems no matter where you live, someone you’ve met has been affected by open displays of self satisfaction. So now the question everyone is asking, “Do Public Masturbators Need Help?”

Ben: I think the answer to this question is obvious. The problem at hand can clearly be solved if the public masturbators seek professional help. Maybe guidance counseling of some sort should be offered at the local high schools.

Mac: Ben, you are a brilliant man, but on this point I must disagree. “PMs” don’t need professional help; the help they need can be given by anyone. When you see a PM, you must help them with their dilemma: Give them a helping hand. PMs don’t need hand-outs; they need hand-jobs.

Ben: So they’ve gotten to you too, have they Mac? Public masturbation is not only an abhorrent practice, it’s public nuisance and health hazzard. I would hate to have to count the many times that a PM has caused reckless endangerment by leaving his “tool” out in the open. It can get caught in machinery and also cause people to trip and fall. Let’s not also forget in the case of out good Hunchbacked friend, Kwazi, it can cause some people to gouge out their own eyes.

Ben: our*

Mac: That notion that masturbation causes one to go blind is nothing more than an old wives’ tale. I have successfully masturbated over 3,000 times, and my eyesight is still intact. Regardless, I think we need to get to the root of the problem Ben: You’re insecure about your sexuality. For what other explanation would make sense? You’ve failed to take into account the female masturbators, or “finger bangers” as the public generally referes to them. I think the sight of a penis in the open makes you sweat because you don’t want to admit to yourself that you’re homosexual, and your lack of reprimand for female PMs is nothing but a front.

Ben: A simple quip from a simple man. I am secure with my sexuality but am not secure with my sanity knowing that there are people like you out there who don’t mind whipping it out and whacking away in public. Imagine if you will, you’re eating at drive-through burger place. Wouldn’t you be the least bit shocked if you saw that your drive-through clerk had spooged on your bag because he couldn’t withhold the urge to masturbate during your order. While masturbation is a wonderful thing of which I’ve done many a time, I think that there it’s proper place is behind closed doors and not in a public setting. My lack of mentioning female PM’s stems from my knowledge that women do not masturbate nearly as much as men do and thus do not represent a PM demographic worth mentioning in this discussion.

Mac: ok the next exchange will be our final thoughts

Ben: aight

Mac: But picture this Ben. Say you haven’t had sex or masturbated in several weeks. You notice a huge swelling in your testicles, and it’s to the point where it pains you to walk. All of a sudden, one night, your testicles explode. This is the reality my friend: Exploding testicles account for more fatalities in men between the ages of 18 and 24 than automobiles and alcohol combined. If the man serving your burger is about to die, I don’t think you’d mind a little bit of secret sauce on your patty in exchange for saving a man’s life. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying ALL public masturbators do what they do for health reasons. But what if you’re walking down the street and you can just take it no longer, and you are in legitimate danger of “busting a nut”? Surely you can’t fault someone for practicing self preservation through self gratification?

Ben: Is it so hard to keep masturbation confined behind closed doors? Surely at some point in time during the day everyone has the opportunity to masturbate without making a spectacle of themselves. Maybe people dying of a busted nut deserve to die. You know it’s said that idle hands are the devil’s work and it’s obvious that these so called victims haven’t taken advantage of what precious little time they do have to masturbate in private. Besides of which, what about people with STD’s that are particularly nasty in nature? If the site of another man’s bare penis alone doesn’t disturb you then does the site of a syphillitic one? Who are we going to grant these rights of public masturbation? It’s easier to just confine it all to private quarters and end the dispute that way.

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