L.A. Boondoggle

A few of you probably remember a week or more back when Sarah Silverman released this video on the Jimmy Kimmel Show.

I think FOX has outdone itself with Moment of Truth. I tuned in last night and caught the last 15 minutes and was thoroughly entertained, you just can’t make shit like this up. Anyway, the point of the show is to have a contestant answer questions about their life, if they answer truthfuly they can make more money and progress, if they lie, they’ll lose it all. When I was watching last night some lady was on and for about 100k, they got her to admit that she would rather be married to her ex boyfriend than her current husband. Her family and husband didn’t seem to thrilled at her response but the crowd was eating it up. The host, Mark Whalberg(not the actor), does a great job of pretending that he thinks the questions are over the line, all the while poking and prodding to have this gal keep digging herself a deeper hole. So after she drops the initial bomb on her husband about wanting to be with her ex, she then gets asked if she’s ever cheated on her husband, to which she answers “yes”. I’m not sure whether FOX doesn’t like giving away more than 100k or if they ran out of fucked up questions to ask, for whatever the reason they asked her if she thought that she was a good person. She answered “yes”, the lie detector said it was false and she lost all the money. Only on FOX could a show this messed up get air time. At any rate, if you guys wants some daytime talkshow style drama with the added disappointment of nearly winning hundreds of thousands of dollars, I totally recommend it.

Anyone remember the Megan Meier story? Sometime in October of 2006 a particularly vindictive set of parents created a fake myspace profile to mess with the head of Megan Meier, who was only 13 years old at the time. Apparently they did their job so well that little Megan went and hung herself in her closet. To my knowledge, there still hasn’t been any significant legal action taken against the purpetrators of the harrassment even though the story gained loads of media attention. At any rate, I was thinking about MyDeathSpace.com, which is probably one of the creepiest sites on the internet, got an odd idea. Sure enough you can search for Megan Meier’s name and find her old myspace profile, along with profiles of many other dead people, in MyDeathSpace. Not that there’s a point to all this, I just figured it my be interesting to check out.

So, I was down on Hollywood Blvd. yesterday during the red carpet walkups for the Academy Awards found out that A. You can’t see shit from the street and B. The craziness factor in Hollywood doubles whenever there’s an event.

One of the wackier gimmicks that I saw on the street this year were the crazies asking everyone what the “million dollar question” was. They had fliers that looked like million dollar bills, or what a million dollar bill would look like if one existed. I think the question had to do with where you were going to go after you died but nobody was in a hurry to hand over that million dollars when I told them “in the ground”.

The costume people were out in full force today too and I saw the coolest costume person ever. He was wearing, you’re totally not gonna believe this, an Ace Ventura costume!!! Allllllllllllllllrighty Then!!!!! He had the hair, he had the plunger, he had the looks, he had it all. I figured he must be one of the normal, semi-bright costume people, unlike the not so normal, drug using, borderline psychopathic costume people(isn’t it a riot that people let them hold their kids for pictures?).

Last but not least, we had our classic crazy guy. This one wasn’t really too vocal, in fact he didn’t even talk at all. The manner in which this man brought the crazy on was all written down. He had a large piece of cardboard sticking out of his backpack with things written on it about syringes, women, and rape, all peppered with a few expletives thrown in here and there. I guess he was going for the more tourist friendly version of crazy, tourists tend to get all paranoid around vocal crazies.

So for the special day my girlfriend and I joined another couple at the Santa Monica Hooters near the Promenade.  We thought it would be funny to perform such a blasphemous deed and sure enough we had a blast.  The girls weren’t bitchy like the time I went to the one in San Diego and our two waitresses were quite attractive.  After dinner we joined another couple and headed to Diddy Riese in Westwood because their Ice Cream sandwiches are the best cold desert I’ve ever had.  Plus, they cost $1.50 each, so come on.  I know what you’re wondering, and my combination of choice is: Chocolate White-Chocolate Chip, Chocolate Chip, and Cookie Dough Ice Cream.  Now I want another.  Thanks.

Being a male, Valentine’s Day is pretty much the only time during the year I’m able to pencil in thoughts of romance.  Unless, that is, you count the entire time between the day after Christmas and February 14th when grocery stores are choking you with candy and flowers of every variety, for which you’re supposed to exchange money so as to not look like an un-romantic prick.  Even the girl who cuts my hair got on my case about it, and she wasn’t even planning to see her boyfriend that day.  Granted, they were in the middle of a fight, but isn’t the point of the holiday to focus on the positive aspects of a relationship?

I would like to see a change in tide which removes the commercialism from all holidays so people can actually focus on the reasons for said holidays.  With Christmas for an example, even if you’re not religious you know damn well retailers worldwide guilt you into buying useless garbage your loved ones don’t need.  They could care less that ultimately you’re just driving yourself further into debt.  But, oh, the extra sky miles and reward points!  Yeesh.  Personally, my favorite part of Christmas is the food.  Yes, the food must be bought at a store (unless you slaughter and prepare your own pig/cow/turkey/camel/elephant/zebra/whatever) but I’ve seen studies proving that holiday stress is caused not just by delayed flights and familial conflict, but by the mountain of concern created when you don’t know the perfect gift to buy someone.  At least gift-giving used to be personal - now look at the proliferation of the gift card!  “I don’t care enough to get to know you and therefore your likes and dislikes are a mystery to me.  Here, have the equivalent to a $50 check that’s good at only one store.  Merry Christmas I love you!”

Oh yeah, Valentine’s Day.  I think it’s ridiculous and unfair that guys are made out to be assholes if they don’t spend their hard-earned money on someone else.  There.  Maybe when Steak-and-Blowjob Day is as prevalent as Valentine’s Day my attitude will change.

Besides, love makes you as loony and disfunctional as a psych-ward patient!

Now, throw some artistry into the mix and you’ve got my attention.  Below is a fantastic video I happened upon that says without words a number of the feelings one experiences when dealing with the matters of love.  Enjoy.

• Sweet origami swan
• I’d love to see a ‘making-of’
• The video would probably have lost a lot of value had the two leads been extremely attractive
• While obviously very inspired, the video exudes a cheezy punch-drunk haze which one can reasonably assume is intentional given the subject matter

Lastly, a light-hearted conclusion to a somewhat pessimistic post (sorry) involving Valentine’s Day greeting cards you wish you could give to people but could only do so if you made them yourself. 

Have any of you had the chance to check out Lindsay Lohan’s nude photo shoot? Apparently she agreed to participate in a recreation of Marliyn Monroe’s “Last Sitting”, which is a tidbit that most of you probably don’t care about(I’m talking about you, guys who googled “public masturbation debate” and found us) but it means that she did the photos in her finest birthday suit. . . and a blonde wig. You can check out the story and some nsfw slideshow pics of her here. At any rate, props to Miss Lohan for the public display of boobage, it totally makes up for the annoying tabloid headlines that clutter up the real news and also boost her popularity. I guess our philosophy here is, if you’re gonna be annoying, at least have the decency to show your tits.

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